i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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