I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dear god my vagina.
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