Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
