he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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