Tell her she can't have a vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize