i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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