I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
