Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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