Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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