it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
