I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
