Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
