My balls are so social today.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize