I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
