did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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