dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
