i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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