I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
