remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
