They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
