She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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