i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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