Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
