Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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