My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
