I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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