You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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