No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
