Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
