I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
