I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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