Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
two words...techno handjob
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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