guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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