I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
