Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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