I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
