at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
