I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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