yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize