I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
