i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
