It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
