escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
