dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
