can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
