Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
