The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
