everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
