i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
