# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
