names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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