He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
