i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
