There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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