Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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