He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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