so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
