The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
