He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize