just come out here and I will go home with you...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
