no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
