I wish I could teleport
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
