You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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