Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
