Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
