i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You smell like stripper and shame
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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