It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
