i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You made out with two different species that night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize