his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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