so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
