I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
