11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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