woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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