After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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