"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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