I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
