Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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