anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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