oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
