office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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