Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
