woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dignity is for republicans.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
