You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
