SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
