party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize