My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
