Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
