How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
