Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
