I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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