the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
