The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
