Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
