thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
