Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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