So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize