I wish I only lived at night.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
