The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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