Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
