You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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