South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
