No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
