Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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