I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i love accidental penises.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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