yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
