We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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